


Magazine Misadventures

by actualdilferwinsmith (ibreathethroughwords)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Awkward situations, Crack, Fluff, M/M, implied three-way, improper uses of mike's nose for accidental crack fic, one blow job, post-pick-ur-own-legion ceremony, pre-57th expedition, teenagers looking at porn, the sex talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-20
Updated: 2014-04-20
Packaged: 2018-01-20 01:45:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1492180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ibreathethroughwords/pseuds/actualdilferwinsmith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Armin found another porn magazine, and now everybody is in trouble for it - even Erwin Smith.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Magazine Misadventures

**Author's Note:**

> It was supposed to be Erwin being fatherly to one child. But.
> 
> This happened?
> 
> written with [nakedirohtime](http://nakedirohtime.tumblr.com)

It had been a long day. A damn long day. After going through some grueling ground-work followed by hand-to-hand combat where he got his ass kicked by Annie, the Captain had screamed his lungs hoarse in his face. Jean wants nothing more than to just collapse on his bed and shut out everything. 

He stumbles into his barracks, a few of his teammates in there already. Marco’s busy cleaning his boots spotlessly, Reiner and Bertholdt are both on the same bed talking in lowered voices (they tended to do that). Connie already seems to be asleep, given he’s snoring as loud as a Titan. Wait, do Titans snore when they slept? Jean makes a mental note to ask Squad leader Hanji when he next gets the chance. 

He passes Armin’s bunk and sees the blonde lying on his stomach, reading something. 

“Hey Armin, whatcha reading?” he asks more out of politeness, not because he actually cares. Jean’s eyes widen a bit as he focuses on exactly what it is he’s holding. It’s a glossy magazine, with large printed pictures of busty women wearing just 3DMG gear in all sorts of racy positions. Not only is it totally bizarre that Armin is reading such a thing, but how the hell is he reading it so…. so CASUALLY?!

“I found it under one of the beds. I guess it belonged to an old recruit,” the blonde replies. His face is so calm as he blinks up at Jean that he may as well be reading a book on quantum physics. 

“Holy shit! Armin, do you realise what would happen if you were caught with that?” Jean hisses, lowering his voice, not wanting everyone to get wind that Armin has porn. Such content is strictly prohibited in the military, even if they all know the higher-ups keep their secret stashes locked away. They know because Connie had received two months on clean-up duty after getting caught sneaking into Pixis office to steal some. It’s a good thing the Commander has a good sense of humour and found it more amusing than anything. 

“I know, but we don’t get this chance often do we? Might as well make the most of it,” the kid replies slyly, and damn Jean sometimes forgets that Armin is so much more than he seems.  
His plans to get some sleep quickly fly out the door now. 

“Well move over then,” Jean grunts, and gets in the bed beside him, and under the blankets they flick through their dirty little secret, gawking at the ladies and their big bosoms. 

Until they’re caught. 

The blanket’s yanked off them both, and Armin squeaks, shoving the magazine under his pillow. Jean whips around angrily. 

“The fuck, Jaegar?! What’s your problem?!”

The Titan-shifter just snorts and snatches for whatever Armin’s hiding. 

“What’s _your_ problem more like! What are you guys even doing under there?”

“None of your bees-wax, shithead!” 

“Fuck off horse-face!” Armin’s caught between the two wrestling to gain possession of the prize. In the madness, Armin’s arm is knocked and it sends the magazine flying to land open on the floor. Of course, everyone in the room instantly surges forward, Connie snatching it up, grinning with wide eyes. 

“Oooooh! Oooooh man!” he gasps, cut off as Reiner snatches it from him, takes a look and grins, swinging his stare over to the guilty three. 

“And here I just thought you two were sucking each other off under there, you dirty fucks.” 

Jean seems more embarrassed than Armin at the comment, leaping up, hands clenched into fists. 

“Hey! Come on, share it around!” Connie whines, taking it back, and now it’s being passed around the group. In the end they all end up crowded in a big circle, reading it together. One can almost smell the adolescent teenage arousal in the air. Most had lost their parents before they were old enough to talk about this sort of stuff. Most of the time they all guessed how it worked. Only Reiner and Bertholdt are old enough to be savvy about it, and they don’t tell them jack. They’re all so preoccupied now that they don’t even hear someone calling them, let alone start to walk irritably towards their barracks.

After a hard day of running drills and taking care of his and his squad’s assigned duties and chores for the day all Mike wants is to take a quiet evening walk and get some sleep before getting up to do it all over again tomorrow. He’s not expecting anything out of the ordinary will happen, though he’s always prepared just like the other veterans. Mike wanders passed the barracks, enjoying the pleasant scent on the air that lingers after their supper. The food here isn’t too bad, at least. Erwin takes good care of his people and Levi runs a tight ship. Their budget may be the smallest out of the three regiments, but Mike would dare to say that they have the best minds to use it well.

He rounds a corner, about to pass by where they’ve shoved all the new recruits save Jaeger, when he catches a particular smell in the air. Mike knows that smell well – he used to be a teenage boy, after all. He freezes outside the door and listens in. There’s definitely some kind of commotion, followed by absolute silence and then excited murmuring and the distinct scents of a dozen or so hard-ons.

Ugh. Teenagers.

A quick sniff tells Mike that he’s the only officer nearby, and so this is now his problem to deal with. He hears the pages of a book turning, and has a feeling it’s probably porn. He and Erwin had done the same sort of stuff when they were new recruits – though they hadn’t been dumb enough to get caught. Taking a deep breath won’t do anything for Mike besides get that smell further into his nose, so he simply opens the door and steps in as he attempts to call the boys to attention.

They’re so engrossed in the magazine that they don’t even notice he’s in the room. Well, he could always scare them to death. Quickly, quietly, Mike sits himself in amongst them, and when the magazine is passed to him he flips through it for a moment before snapping it shut. These kids don’t even have _good_ porn. Ah, the pitfalls of youth.

“Hello,” he greets casually, as though he hasn’t caught the boys breaking multiple regulations in their barracks. Eren isn’t even supposed to be in here, on the off-chance he falls asleep somewhere not in the basement Erwin and Levi had agreed with Zacklay that would be Eren’s room. 

All of their heads turn to look at Mike. There’s a long moment of silence as they stare at him with pale faces, eyes wide, and their mouths agape in silent horror that not only have they been caught – they’ve been caught by one of the three highest ranking officers at their headquarters. To top it off, he’s humanity’s second-strongest, and he has a pretty fearsome reputation.

Mike’s fairly certain they’ve all heard about his legendary nose by now, so he decides to see if he can make any of them faint first. “The problem with being a teenager is that it’s way too easy to get an erection, and not easy enough to get rid of it,” Mike continues, keeping his tone casual, his face neutral. They’re all in trouble, but he’s going to have a bit of fun with them first. “The thing you have to understand, boys, is that arousal has a particular smell. You give off pheromones, which are easily scented by certain creatures – or by me.”

Their reactions to that news involve hands and jackets hastily flying over their crotches to hide their boners. “Oh please,” Mike says waving his hand. “That doesn’t do a damn thing. I can easily tell you which of you are leaking pre-cum into your underwear.”

That turns all the kids bright red. Good. Assured their properly humiliated, Mike stands. The boys are quick to jump to attention as he moves, staring wide-eyed and fearful dead ahead as Mike walks back and forth. “This isn’t even a good magazine,” he says. “You all have terrible taste and fathers should be ashamed for not teaching you how to get the quality stuff. Whose is it?”

They’re all too horrified to speak at first. No one wants to rat the other out, and Mike has to admire their undying loyalty to one another. He’s proud that their recruits respect and love each other so much. It’s what makes the recon corps so formidable, their unbreakable bonds. 

Finally someone does break ranks. He’s surprised, as out of all of them, he hadn’t pinned Armin to be the one to be stepping forward. The boy is frighteningly like Erwin when he was that young: charming, cunning, perceptive, and slightly creepy. All the higher-ups had bets that if the boy survived that long, he would become a future Commander. 

“Sir, it was me. I found the magazine under one of the bunks. I am ashamed I didn’t hand it in as soon as I found it. I take full responsibility, Sir,” he says, voice unwavering, staring Mike right in the eye (he has to crane his neck to do that too). 

Then another steps forward. It’s Kirschtein. “W- wait, Sir, it’s not all Armin’s fault. I was also a part of it. It was equally my responsibility to apprehend… the document.” He swallows thickly, his cheeks burning. “Punish me instead” 

“No way! Sir, if horse- fa- I mean, if Jean is punished, then I should be too! I’m not even supposed to be here!” Now Jaegar has stepped forward, and Jean sends the boy a death glare. Those two are always at each other’s throats, trying to best the other. It’s humorous. 

Now what is Mike meant to do? Before he cans even speak, all the boy in line – every single one of them – step forward and are speaking over each other in a complete jumble of gibberish, saying it was ‘their fault and they should be punished’ blah blah blah. Mike has heard enough. God, he hopes he can deal with this quietly and not have to make a big deal of it. Now he’s going to have to drag all their sorry asses into Erwin’s office. Eren in particular will need a stern talking to, as his offence is far more grave than the others’. 

“Mike? MIIIIIIIIKEEEEEEEEEEEEY~!” Oh great. That’s unmistakably Squad leader Hanji. 

She pokes her head in, glasses flashing in the light to make her look even madder than she is, and bounds inside like this is her business. While gender equality is strong enforced in the military, they still try to keep some propriety. Female squad members sleep in separate barracks from the men, and likewise female squad leaders oversee them. This is potentially the worst case scenario for someone like Hanji to interrupt. 

“Well, well, well, what do we have here?” she chirps, bounding over, hands behind her back, standing on tippy toes to see what Mike is holding. “Ooooooh!” she exclaims, snatching it, having a rifle through. She looks up at Mike and grins. “Mike, I’m surprised at you! It’s so generous of you to be sharing your porn stash with the youngsters. Good on you!” she playfully slaps his ass, humming as she flicks to a two-page foldout. “Caw, look at the knockers on her. Say, Mikey you think those are real?” She seems oblivious to the fact there’s a line of adolescent boys struggling to calm down their raging erections right before her, and that Mike is trying to deal with this tactfully.

Well, he can’t deal with that much noise at once. He calls the boys to attention first, voice sharp and rough. They’re terrified again, and they obey immediately. Hanji seems to have just realized that the kids are in trouble. She chuckles and closes the magazine. The sound of her chuckle unsettles the kids, and Mike knows very well that it should. 

“Ah, I see,” she says, catching on. “I should have known you wouldn’t have such low-quality stuff, Mike. Honestly, do kids these days even know how to buy the good stuff?”

“Apparently not,” he says, relaxing a little. Hanji is going to spread the word of this to the other Squad Leaders, and it’s going to be very, very amusing. “Still, I think this is more of a matter between men, and they probably don’t want you in here while they’re all still trying to will their cocks flaccid again.”

Hanji outright laughs at that and turns for the door. “All right, all right. It’s nothing I haven’t seen before, but I suppose teenagers need their privacy. If you’re planning to have them punished, the Commander is in his office.” 

She still has the magazine, and she can keep it for all Mike cares. Hanji raises a valid point. Weren’t these kids taught anything? At least it wasn’t a hardcore porn magazine. Erwin’s pretty chill about adults having stuff like that, but these guys are still kids, and are definitely not legally permitted to have it. He marches them straight up to Erwin’s office, and leaves them standing at attention in the hall while he goes in to explain the situation to Erwin.

There’s dread in Erwin’s eyes at the news. This is a situation he’s consistently terrible with, even if it is his duty to handle. Mike teases him by telling him that he’s about to get quite a bit of practice – but is more serious when he tells him that Eren is among the boys that are in trouble. That makes Erwin sigh. Eren isn’t his responsibility, he’s Levi’s. He asks Mike to go fetch Levi and send whichever kid in first.

Mike sends in Armin, since he was the first to step up and confess. The boy looks so dreadfully ashamed of himself Mike almost feels guilty for him, but he’s duty bound to follow the strict rules the military lays out to him. 

Armin salutes to perfection to his Commander, his bright blue eyes almost identical to Erwin’s, except his superior’s eyes are probably a shade deeper in intensity. 

“Sir,” he states firmly, speaking no more as it is not his place to yet. 

Outside, the rest of the guilty party line the wall, all looking like they’re facing death row rather than a stern telling-off. They all admire and respect their Commander so much, they don’t want to disappoint or shame him in any way. 

A lighter set of footsteps echo down the halls, and they all stiffen as Lance Corporal Levi walks around the corner. It appears he had been getting ready to turn in for the night, as he isn’t in full uniform, but his breeches, boots and shirt. They don’t think they’ve ever seen him without his cravat, and slung over his shoulders is an oversized dark jacket that looks suspiciously like Erwin’s. None of them dare comment on that.

Levi ignores the kids entirely, but addresses Mike. “There better be a damn good reason I was hauled out here,” he says in his usual monotone, but there’s a slight edge to it as he shoots a side long glance to Eren, who actually cows away at the look. 

“Maybe you ought to find out why firsthand,” Mike nods, indicating Erwin’s office door. Levi enters swiftly, knowing he doesn’t need to knock. He finds the Arlert kid standing at attention in front of Erwin’s desk, who is calmly flicking through some magazine before him. 

Levi promptly stands by Erwin’s right, two steps back, one to the side, as per protocol. It’s close enough that he’s still able to see over his shoulder.

Oh great. As soon as Levi registers its content he can’t believe he’s been dragged from bed for this petty bullshit. He doesn’t give a crap if the brats want to jerk off to big-breasted whores in too-tight gear so long as they don’t dirty their uniforms or beds in the process. He holds in a snort of derision, looking to the kid who looks like he’s about to explode his face is so red. He wants to say something, but he would never undermine an order from Erwin by expressing his displeasure at it in front of a soldier.

Displeased at having his night interrupted by the shenanigans of teenagers, Erwin doesn’t acknowledge Armin at all, even when Hanji pops in to drop off the magazine. Having to deal with a dozen horny boys is going to take time, and that means he’s going to be stuck in his office even later trying to finish up instead of being allowed to go to his quarters and spend some time alone with Levi. It puts him in a bad mood, though he doesn’t really show it. Levi and Mike know him well enough that he’s sure they can tell, but Erwin’s positive he can keep the kids from realizing how much trouble they’re in until he dishes out their punishments in the morning. Keeping them waiting overnight is a tactic he likes, because it also means he won’t make any decisions that are influenced by his anger.

The porn isn’t even good. If Erwin recalls correctly, most of their recruits were orphaned at a young age, and their parents may not have even had the chance to discuss this with them. By their ages, he, Mike, and Nile had learned how to get the high quality stuff, sneak it in, and keep it hidden from their superiors. 

Amateurs.

Erwin pushes back the urge to sigh heavily and run a hand through his hair. He stares Armin down for another moment before he speaks. “At ease,” he says, and Armin relaxes his stance so that his feet are precisely shoulder-width apart and his hands are properly clasped at the small of his back. Erwin orders the blushing boy to give him his side of the story. He listens with his hands folded on his desk and forces himself to show disappointment in his eyes. The story is funny, and he knows all of the officers will be laughing about this for weeks, but for now he has to pretend that he’s disappointed and not incredibly amused.

It’s going well until Armin mentions that he’s not even sure what Reiner meant by ‘blow job’. Erwin’s composure falters for a brief moment as his suspicions about the innocence of the kids are confirmed. Damn. His mask of serious disappointment is back up quickly, fast enough that he’s confident even this sharp-eyed kid (who looks and acts far too much like Erwin did at that age for Erwin’s comfort) hasn’t noticed.

Erwin dismisses him, and the kid salutes and turns to leave to let Mike send the next one in, Erwin turns his head to roll his eyes as Levi – and just manages to face forward in time to interrogate the next, and the one after that, until only Jaeger and Kirschtein are left. If any of them give him problems, Erwin knows it will be one of those two.

Erwin is right about Jean giving them problems. He’s a defiant young man, and Levi can tell the entire time Erwin is questioning him that Jean is silently fuming to say something. When Erwin does give him permission to speak, he takes full opportunity. 

“Sir, I still fail to see what it is we did that is so wrong. If we have to be kept up every night because of… certain people in their bunks, why should we be punished for just a magazine?” 

Levi’s eyes narrow a little, not just because of the fact the brat was questioning Erwin, but because he was trying to pick out who it is that’s keeping the kids awake. If he has to guess he’d say it would be that Reiner and Bertholdt. They’re the oldest of them all, and if they were partaking in sexual activities… then that will have to be dealt with swiftly. It isn’t that it’s between two men that’s the problem (that certainly isn’t the problem), it’s the fact that sexual relations within the military are extremely repressed. The superior officers who do have such relationships (such as him and Erwin) are very delicate and private about it. They aren’t banging in the middle of the barracks for every soul to hear. 

“I’d hold my tongue before questioning your Commander, soldier. Unless you want me to cut it out for you,” Levi interjects swiftly, and it’s rather hilarious how quickly Jean pales at the Captains threat. Jean has nothing further to say now, and is dismissed. 

The last one is Eren. 

When he steps in, there’s a crippling silence. Levi knows he now has the floor. 

“Where were you tonight, Eren?” 

The boy swallows, making eye contact with his Captain only for a moment before having to look away. He could lie – if he wanted a death warrant that is. 

“I was in the fourth barracks, Corporal.” he mutters. 

“Pardon?”

“I was in the fourth barracks, Corporal,” he says in a louder, firmer tone. 

Levi’s eyes darken slightly. “Oh? Did you get lost then? Lose your way to the basement?”

Eren twitches. He mumbles something. Levi’s patience seems to snap slightly. In an instant he’s in front of Eren and has a fistful of his shirt front. His strength is uncanny as he lifts the boy up so only his toes touch the floor. 

“Are you mute? Or just dumb and deaf?” he hisses. 

“I- I didn’t want to go back there!” he exclaims, his voice short of breath from the constriction on his throat. Levi’s expression flickers just slightly, and he lets him go, the boy stumbling back, gasping. 

“Explain.”

Eren straightens, and Levi’s slightly disturbed by the fact there’s tears in his eyes. “I couldn’t… I was going back down there, but then I just couldn’t. I hate it down there, in the darkness, chained like I’m… I’m some monster-“

“But you are, Eren. And that is precisely why you have to be chained.”

“I KNOW I AM!” Eren screams, and it’s so sudden and alarming Levi is actually speechless. Eren seems to have not meant for that outburst either, and realises he’s actually shaking. A slight steam is emitting from his hands. Levi hears the scrape of Erwin’s chair as he stands, ready. Levi has to handle this delicately now. They can’t allow a mishap. Eren knows this too. He fears it most. 

“Eren, calm yourself. Control yourself.” Levi speaks in a gentler tone, and actually reaches out and, very alike to what he does to Erwin when he must be calmed, cups the back of the boy’s neck. “Prove it to me that you aren’t a monster then.” 

Eren takes in a shuddering breath, and a sob breaks from him, but his fists unfurl and his shoulders sag as he relaxes. 

Levi is reminded that he is just a boy, and that these teenagers are all just children who have been thrust into an adult world where the only people they look up to are regarded by society as eccentrics and psychopaths. This boy in particular carries the weight of all of humanity’s hopes on his shoulders. 

“Good boy, Eren.” Levi’s talking as if soothing a wild animal, and it’s a voice Erwin has only heard rarely – when he speaks to squad members in their final seconds, or to Erwin in their most intimate moments. 

“Eren, do you trust me?” 

Eren raises his eyes that have calmed, and nods, fat tears rolling down his cheeks. 

“Do you trust our Commander?”

Eren’s gaze flickers to the blonde, and he nods. 

“Then you must obey every single one of our orders, no matter what, or else all may be lost. Do you understand?”

He nods. Levi’s grip on his neck tightens just slightly. “I need to hear it.”

“Yes Corporal,” he croaks, his voice slightly hoarse. 

Levi has nothing more to say, and takes his hand back, looking to Erwin questioningly for if he has anything to add, but Levi handled it splendidly.

“That will be all, Eren, thank you,” Erwin says, sitting back down. His tone is somewhere between gentle and indifferent, as though he isn’t sure which direction he ought to be leaning. “Try and get some rest. You’re dismissed. Please send Squad Leader Mike in on your way out.”

As expected, Levi handled Eren well. Once the last of the teenagers is out of the room, Erwin sighs. As he leans back in his chair the mask of stern disappointment fades and he just looks tired as he tosses the magazine into the trash can and resumes the paperwork he’s now an hour and a half delayed in finishing. Everything on his desk has to be ready to go out in the morning, but he’s confident he can work while they discuss the issue.

Mike comes in as Eren leaves, and raises an eyebrow. Erwin knows he’s heard the shouting and has been able to smell the emotions in the air. He’s sure Mike knows that Erwin is exhausted and generally unappreciative of having that situation dumped on him, even though he knows Mike is only following protocol. Stricter disciplinary measures are meant to come through him, to ensure that Squad Leaders aren’t abusing their authority.

“Teenagers,” Erwin mutters once his door has been closed. “Mike, did any of the kids actually smell like sex to you?” he asked, glancing up at his friend.

His question gets a confused look in response. “They’re horny teenage boys who were all hard as rocks when I noticed something was going on in there. They all smelled like sex.”

Erwin shakes his head. “No. Did any of them smell like they’d been having sex with each other? Kirschtein mentioned that two of them having been keeping the others up all night but I neglected to ask which two.”

“Not that I noticed, no,” Mike says. He half-sits on the front of Erwin’s desk, twisting his torso to look at him and Levi. “I’ll pay better attention to the kids for a few days, see if I can figure it out – unless you want to just flat-out ask them tomorrow when you do…” Mike trails off. “What are you going to do?”

The question makes Erwin pull a face of disgust. He hates the idea but…

“Some of them don’t even know what blow jobs are,” he says. “Part of their punishment should include an incredibly detailed and embarrassing discussion about how sex works. I’ll assign someone to handle it in the morning. I’m not sure what else I want to do.”

Mike looks at Erwin, sniffs the air, and glances down at the papers. “You are going to sleep at some point tonight, right?” he asks when he realizes that Erwin seems distracted and weary. It’s likely Levi will drag Erwin off to bed, at least, which is better than Erwin was before the two of them got together.

“Possibly,” he says, and looks up to give Mike a small smile. “Go ahead and get some rest. I want your report on my desk by noon.”

It’s a dismissal, and Mike knows it. “Yes, sir,” he says, and salutes, then tosses a wave and a “sleep well” over his shoulder at the two of them as he leaves, closing the door behind him.

Levi stayed quiet as Mike and Erwin had their conversation, leaning against the wall, head tilted towards the window where the sky is slowly getting darker and darker. When he mentions about how he’ll ‘have someone talk to them about sex’ tomorrow, he grimaces as he wonders who he’ll pick for that delightful job. Levi knows Erwin won’t order him to. 

At least he thinks he won’t. 

He nods to Mike as he leaves and only then pushes off the wall and approaches Erwin, hopping up to sit on his desk, legs dangling off the floor. He likes to listen to the rhythmic scratching of Erwin’s pen across the parchment, the occasional sigh of frustration. He’ll never admit either that he enjoys the added extra height. 

“It’s that Reiner and Bertholdt,” he says without any introduction, and Erwin doesn’t respond and continues to write, but Levi knows he’s listening and he knows what he’s talking about. “They’re the oldest, and the two are inseparable. It would make sense.” 

Levi turns his head down to stare at the top of Erwin’s head, at his immaculately combed hair, not a single blonde hair out of place. He can’t resist reaching out and running his fingers through it, fingers kneading softly into his temples at his known pressure points bottling up most of his stress. “But you won’t forbid them, will you? Because they’re no different to what you and Mike were like back then, hm?” 

Levi of course knows how intimately close he and Mike had been. It had upset Levi at first, knowing another man had held Erwin’s heart, had touched him how Levi had only ever been touched by Erwin. But he isn’t so irrational as to not understand it. He at least knows Erwin doesn’t do it now with Mike unless – and he smirks a little at this – except when Levi specifically requests to watch Erwin being fucked by the Captain, as truly there is nothing more exquisite than watching Erwin submit to another man and let go of his authority. 

“You’re too much of a softie,” he chides in an uncharacteristically fond voice, or at least it would be for those who don’t know Levi as well as others do.

“Am not,” Erwin finally replies. He leans into Levi’s touch and sighs. “I don’t know, Levi. You’re probably right about it being them. At the very least, they need a stern talking to about keeping their fellow recruits awake. Kids these days.”

They are all going to be punished though. Erwin won’t address that issue in front of their friends. He remembers being that age and has a feeling a private discussion will work best, especially if he wants the teenagers to continue to like him. Sometimes he feels like he’s an incredibly lenient father to some 300+ soldiers. Levi’s forever getting on him about being a softie. Maybe Erwin should delegate their punishment to his lover.

That’s an idea.

Granted, it’s an idea that may mean he’ll be sleeping on his office sofa until Levi feels like taking pity on him, but it gets Erwin off the hook. Levi’s his second-in-command after all, he should absolutely share some of the parenting duties.

There’s a scheming look in Erwin’s eyes as he keeps working, nearly finished, at least. There isn’t as much left to do as he’d thought. “How would you punish them then?” he asks innocently without looking up. If he meets Levi’s eyes, Levi will know he’s contemplating something. He won’t know what, exactly, but he’ll know and become suspicious and probably will pry Erwin for information until he relents and tells Levi what he has in mind. Erwin’s unwilling to risk starting an argument before bed, so he masks his intentions as pretending to ask for Levi’s advice.

Levi is instantly on the defensive, poised and alert. He knows Erwin too well to not see that he’s scheming. He’s always four steps ahead of Levi, and that pisses Levi off so much. It’s only Mike that seems to be on the same wave-length as Erwin, and Levi puts it down to that nose of his. 

But he has to answer, as Erwin is his commanding officer asking him a question. 

“I’d castrate them. Then the problem would be solved permanently.”

Levi had no obligation to give Erwin a serious response, or at least, a more realistic one, because if Levi had his way hell he probably would do that. He knows he’s irritated Erwin, and that pleases him because he knows he’s caught him red-handed. “And if that’s your shitty way of asking me to do your dirty work then you can think again, mister.” Levi swings around so he’s facing him, and blatantly props the heels of his boots up on his broad shoulders, snatching the papers under Erwin’s pen away so he can only focus on him. 

“If you’re gonna keep treating these soldiers like your damn kids then you aren’t gonna skimp out on it. You’re their Commander. And on more than one occasion I’ve overheard those kids refer to you as their father. They don’t look up to anyone more than you. I say give them that guidance they need. Kids don’t respect anyone more than their fathers, right?” he cocks his head to the side, challenging Erwin to deny his logic. “And if you’re that much of a prude to not be able to face how to explain how babies are made, then you’ve been fucking men too long you old homo,” he prods his cheek with his boot and is amused by the expression on his face. “And I’ll even be there. I don’t wanna miss this opportunity for the world.” Levi grins, flashing his top row of pearly whites in a wicked grin.

For a moment, Erwin considers lying, but Levi will see right through him. Erwin rolls his eyes at the infuriating grin. Levi’s heels are digging into his sore muscles, so Erwin decides to move his lover out of the way. There’s work he absolutely has to finish before bed. In one smooth motion Erwin lifts Levi’s booted feet from his shoulder and uses the wheels on his chair to slide backward a few feet. As the legs drop it unbalances Levi, but Erwin moves forward to catch him. He tugs Levi into his lap, presses a kiss to his cheek, and moves the pen and papers back in front of him so he can continue.

“You’re a terrible person,” he tells Levi fondly. “You’re a terrible, old, hypocritical homo.” 

There are only two papers left, and Erwin refuses to let Levi up until he finishes with them. When he’s done, Erwin kisses Levi’s cheek, and then gently pushes him off of his lap so he can organize the files to go out in the morning. Now that he’s finished, Erwin thinks he’d like to take Levi back to their bed and punish him for that filthy mouth of his.

“Let’s go to bed, my sweet boy,” he says. The tone is innocent enough, but his eyes are dark with promise. Levi should know that look well enough to see a preview of what’s to come in them.  
Levi passively lets Erwin manhandle him around his desk, until he’s eventually maneuvered right where he wants to be – in his lap. Still, it’s a bit embarrassing how Erwin can mould him so perfectly, his strength uncanny. In a way, Levi likes letting someone have control over him. 

He lets his sense of time slip away as he’s snuggled close to Erwin, chest to chest, arms wrapped tightly around his waist, almost clinging to him. He rests his head on the side so he can listen to the steady beating of his heart, eyes fluttering closed to the rhythmic sound. 

Finally though he hears the pen scratching stop and Erwin’s contented and tired sigh. The sound of shuffling papers indicating it’s time for him to get up. Liquid grace, he slides out of his lap and stretches in a cat-like manner to pop his shoulders. Levi looks lazily back at his lover, eyes hooded and sleepy: he’s ready for bed, but he can tell from Erwin’s dark smoulder he has some other plans for him tonight. He just gives him a sweet and pleasant smile, as they walk side by side to the Commander’s quarters. 

That night Erwin fucks Levi slow and thoroughly, pressing him flat into the mattress as he smothers his body with his, humping into him until he cums, cock trapped between him and the bed. Levi sighs Erwin’s name into his pillow as he takes him beautifully. If only the kids could understand that _this_ is what it really is all about. That said, Levi is in no way willing to let anyone be privy to these most tender and intimate moments outside the safety and privacy of Erwin’s room. 

The next morning Levi wakes up suffocating as usual. Erwin is a clinger, and Levi is always trapped in his strong grip. He always complains loudly too, but never actually struggles against waking up in such a way. 

“Mmmpf… Errrrwiiiinnnn… your breath stinks,” he grumbles, wriggling, trying to loosen up some space to slip out. He was so bone tired last night after his day and then their fuck, no matter how tender it had been, that he hadn’t been bothered to get up and clean himself. Now Levi really regrets it, cringing at the sticky mess stuck up in his ass because like hell he’s gonna let Erwin soil the sheets by not cumming inside Levi. He recalls as well that today is the day Erwin is going to have a sex talk with the brats. Levi wants to be completely composed and ready for that.

Erwin has always been much slower to wake than Levi, and it’s something that likely won’t change any time soon. He’s heard people who know about their relationship speculate that Levi rolls out of bed grumpy and snappy, and that Erwin wakes up shooting rainbows and sunshine out of his ass. Every single one of them has been wrong – save for Mike, who already knows the unfortunate truth. 

Waking up to Levi grumbling at him is par for the course, as is Erwin burying his face back into his pillow after he lets Levi up to try to go back to sleep. He doesn’t say a damn thing, just glares at Levi for daring to move on him before tugging the covers over his head with a grunt to block out the offending sunlight barely starting to peak in around their curtains. His hair is a complete wreck, definitely nowhere near the perfection it is during the day. Last night’s stubble is more pronounced now, but he can’t be bothered yet to get up and shave it off. Sometimes he considers just letting it grow. There’s nothing in the regulations against having a short, well-trimmed beard, and Erwin doesn’t mind facial hair. The real problem is – though he’d never admit it – that with facial hair he looks exactly like his father, and that’s not a ghost Erwin wants to have to face every morning.

The bed is still warm despite Levi’s escape from his embrace, and Erwin shifts over slightly into the warm spot Levi left behind. Their bed still smells like last night’s sex, and it will until Levi can convince Erwin to get his ass up and go get cleaned up for the day. It only takes him a moment or two to fall back asleep, as he’s still exhausted from being up so late the night before. He may be excellent shape – even for a man half his age – but Erwin’s pushing 40 now, and his body occasionally seems intent on reminding him of that.

Levi’s not sure when their routine really started. In the evenings Levi makes up some lame excuse to come to Erwin – whether it’s to bring him his dinner he has missed in the mess hall yet again, or some sort of petty report. Afterwards Levi stays, and whether it’s in Erwin’s office or his quarters, he’ll start to clean the place up as if he’s Erwin’s maid – no – more like his wife. He makes them both a pot of tea since he knows exactly how Erwin likes it- too sweet, and no milk- and he shoves the steaming cup in his hand and makes him drink it to take at least a minutes rest from the paperwork. 

It’s so domestic, and it comes so naturally to them both, that Levi even has his own toothbrush in Erwin’s small private bathroom, sitting right next to his. 

He goes through the steps at his own rhythmic pace. Naked already, he scrubs himself down until his skin feels raw. He takes a dump to clean himself out, shaves the soft stubble forming along his jaw line, and fixes his hair. He’ll dress in what he wore yesterday – not his full military uniform, but black trousers, white button up shirt, and he’ll wear Erwin’s jacket later. Levi uses the excuse that he likes to have something larger just to sling across his shoulders, but the reason he steals it to have the smell of Erwin. 

He pads back into the room to dress, still nude, but pauses as he can tell Erwin’s fallen back to sleep given his heavy breathing. Letting out almost an exasperated sigh, he approaches the bed, fully intending to yank his blankets up and force him sharply awake. When Levi sees Erwin’s peaceful face he decides to wake him up a little differently. He slips to the end of the bed, on hands and knees. The blanket is tossed and crumpled up around his legs anyway, and he gently pulls it away to reveal Erwin. Sliding forward and leaning down, he takes Erwin’s soft cock in his mouth. He massages the underside with his tongue, moving lazy and slow. Levi feels the jolt through his lover’s body as Erwin fully wakes up and registers what’s happening, the question about to leave his lips, but Levi increases the pressure of his mouth to silence him. His voice is still thick with sleep. When Erwin’s half-hard Levi pulls away with a wet slurp and Erwin’s cock slaps softly against his thigh. “I’m waking you up nicely.”

“Oh,” Erwin says, still groggy. He’s not going to complain about waking up to this, given the Incident-with-a-capital-I from last night. It’s definitely a drastic improvement over how Levi normally wakes him up in the mornings if Erwin tries to sleep in.

The Commander lets his head fall back down against his pillow and lets Levi get back to work on his cock. The blowjob serves to slowly wake Erwin up. Due to last night and the fact that he’s still rather exhausted, it takes him awhile to finish, but when he does his fingers tangle gently in Levi’s hair as he spills. There’s no sharp cry or loud moan when he does, but it still makes Erwin’s toes curl and his lungs gasp breathlessly as the pleasure overtakes him. 

When it passes, Erwin feels like he’s been drained through his cock. He’s even more tired than he was before, and decides a ten minute nap couldn’t hurt. Insistently, Erwin tugs Levi up so he can flop his head down on his lover’s chest. There’s probably no one else alive besides Levi and Mike that would suspect or know that Erwin enjoys cuddling and being held as much as he does. Levi’s stronger than him, yes, but Erwin isn’t a small man, and he uses that to his advantage by flopping an arm and a leg over Levi to keep him in place while he dozes.

Levi makes sure he swallows his whole load, as frankly he doesn’t want to be the one to clean up the spunk on his stomach later. Plus, he knows Erwin’s a major pervert and he so rarely swallows that he decides to treat him. 

He grunts when Erwin maneuvers him up, pulling him against his broad, warm chest. “Oi, this was meant to make you wake up, not ‘thank you for sucking my cock now I can nap’, old man” 

Levi growls, putting in a feeble effort to pull from his hold, but it’s pointless when he locks him in with his arm slung over him and leg wrapped around his. Levi sighs and gives into it, sagging into his hold, muttering under his breath until he allows his eyes to slide shut too. 

A jarring knock at the door startles them both into wakefulness. Levi notices how there’s a considerable amount of sunlight streaming into the room now. Shit. They overslept. 

“Erwin?”

It’s Mike. Levi whips on his trousers (even if Mike has seen him naked plenty times, both in the communal showers and in more intimate situations) and opens the door. The other captain hardly looks surprised Levi’s there, and he walks in so the door doesn’t have to be left wide open and leans against the wall, arms folded across his chest. 

“Having a nice snooze there, princess?” he addresses Erwin, who at least manages to throw the blankets back over his lower half, and is sitting up in a groggy state, eyes blinking like an owl. 

“You try and wake him up in the morning. His breath is worse than a titan’s too,” Levi comments as he walks on past to go make a pot of tea. Mike chuckles at that. 

“Oh, I know. I find nothing quite beats a splash of freezing cold water across the face though.”

Levi hums and decides to store that idea away for later use when he doesn’t feel like being so friendly waking the Commander up. 

“Tea or coffee, Mike?” 

“Tea, thank you, Levi,” he replies smoothly, as Levi puts the kettle on to boil, and there’s a pleasant quiet in the room. These three were probably the most unlikely trio, and each has experienced and endured horrors unimaginable. Yet these great men – these legends of their people – are just like any other, where they like their coffee strong and a long sleep-in.  
Mike turns his hooded gaze back to Erwin, who seems to be slowly waking up more and more. “Hanji wants another meeting with you about attempting to capture more titans.”

“Last time we did that, we lost twenty good men,” Levi says coolly, getting out three mugs and the sugar and cream. 

“I know. But she says without sacrifice we can never move forward.”

Levi’s grip on a mug tightens a little, but he makes himself relax, though his mouth is pressed into a thin line.

That line is one that all of Erwin’s subordinate officers are fond of throwing back in his face when they want something that’s already said no about. Hanji, in particular, is the worst about doing it. Mike only seems to use it during the times Levi invites him to dominate Erwin while he watches, or if Erwin needs it as a reminder during hard times. None of the others, even the five year veterans, are willing to push their luck that much unless it’s something they really want. 

The worst part is that he knows Hanji is right. Having more data – especially now that they have Eren as a means of comparison (and if Erwin is right, more titan-shifters within the walls) – means that they have a better chance of destroying their enemy. Hanji is one of the few officers he trusts with assisting in operations planning, and he knows she has a sharp analytic mind. They’ve just gotten these new recruits, and while he has let it slip that they will be going on an expedition in three short weeks with the kids, Erwin hasn’t informed the other veteran officers he knows he can trust of his plans. 

He makes a mental note to get that scheduled and runs a hand through his errant hair as he answers Mike. “Tell her we’ll discuss it tomorrow. It’s time to let some of you in on my plans for the expedition anyway.”

“Some of us?” Mike repeats. It’s fairly rare for Erwin to not brief all the Squad Leaders at once.

Erwin nods as he slides naked out of bed to go brush his teeth, enjoying the way Mike and Levi’s eyes linger over his body as he moves. “Some,” he confirms. While Levi fixes the tea Erwin takes a few minutes to clean up and shave and brush his hair into place. He comes out just as the tea finishes steeping and pulls on underwear and a pristine pair of uniform pants.

“It’s bad, huh?” Mike asks. “I thought you said it’s just going to be a short trip this time.”

Erwin continues getting dressed as he replies. They’ve slept in late and he has a lot on his plate for today. His aides are likely going to be pretty irritated with him, whether they show it or not. “I hope so. We aren’t going very far.” Levi’s the only other person with whom Erwin has shared the full extent of his plans. Erwin begins explaining it to Mike as he starts strapping on his gear.

Frankly Levi thinks Erwin’s plan still has too many loop holes for him to be comfortable. If he has his way, they’ll take more time to conduct experiments on Jaegar to try and figure out the full extent of his powers and capabilities, rather than throw him into the deep end so soon. When Levi had voiced this, Erwin had teased him, saying he was fond of the boy. Levi had looked him dead in the eye and isn’t ashamed to confess that yes, he is fond of the boy. He’s fond of all their new recruits. They haven’t seen such a dedicated and highly skilled fresh batch of soldiers in a long time. Levi is proud to be their Captain. 

But no matter what Levi thinks, Levi will always follow Erwin’s plans. He will always trust him. He doesn’t have a strategist’s mind, but a soldier’s. Levi receives orders, and carries them out to perfection, no questions asked. Only on very few occasions has he questioned Erwin’s orders, and most of the time it was when it involved him ordering Levi to do something to protect himself from unnecessary danger. 

Mike listens in silence to the entire briefing, only asking necessary questions when appropriate, as he sips the bitter tea Levi gave him. 

Levi gives Erwin his black coffee, how Erwin likes it – too sweet – then picks up his own mug and leans against the table in the room while he sips it. 

When Erwin finishes Mike’s eyebrows are furrowed, and his bottom lip juts out slightly, a gesture only those close to him knows as a sign he’s seriously thinking. 

“There’s the potential to lose at least half our men. We can’t afford such losses at this time. Not with the Unicorns breathing down our necks already after the last mission.” 

Levi scowls. “We can handle Nile. You just gotta bash some sense into that thick skull of his until he sees reason”

“But Nile does what he does with good reason. He hates unnecessary death as much as the rest of us,” Mike says softly, almost chidingly to Levi. Levi grunts and shifts in irritation. It still annoys him that no matter how close he may be to Erwin, or even to Mike, there is still an unbreakable wall of a bond between those three that Levi will never be able to understand fully.

“So do we,” Erwin gently cuts in. Half of his coffee is downed in one go, and then he sets down the cup to continue working on getting his uniform on properly. “We need to show them that we can handle Eren, and we need to expose the traitors as soon as we can. Something in Central is already trying to move after Eren, and if there are more like him, I doubt they’ll sit idly by while we experiment with Eren to learn all their well-kept secrets. If nothing else, Mike, we need to keep Eren safe.”

It’s likely that Erwin will ever have kids of his own – it isn’t like he or Levi can get pregnant, and anyway, they don’t have the time – so his troops are the closest Erwin will ever have to that. Teenage hormones and attitude problems aside, these kids are a sweet and talented group. They got most of the top ten cadets, after all, though Erwin has a feeling only three or four of them are trustworthy.

“I don’t like the thought of having to sacrifice anybody – and you both know that – but if it advances the long-term goal of the Survey Corps to overthrow and overhaul the current system it’s worth the cost of their lives. Hanji’s correct – if we don’t sacrifice anything we’ll gain nothing, not even permanent custody of Eren Jaeger.” Erwin doesn’t want Eren falling into the hands of Nile’s bosses. As a father, Nile hates the thought of hurting children, but there’s no telling what his superiors will order to be done to the kid before they eventually put him to death. Eren is a titan-shifter, yes, and a soldier, but he’s only fifteen. Child torture doesn’t sit well with Erwin either.

He finishes strapping on the harness and picks up his coffee to finish it. In a moment he’s going to have to put on his bolo tie and jacket and head to his office, but he can enjoy another moment of relative peace with his lover and sometimes-lover. 

Mike seems to think it over as he sips at his tea. “Nile would have a hard time knowing what he was doing in handing Eren over, but he would still do it. He’s a soldier, the same as us.”

Erwin nods. “We don’t want to put that stress on him,” he adds.

“He’s so old, there’s no way his heart could take it.”

“He’s already going gray,” Erwin says with a small smirk. “I don’t know if you had a chance to talk to him at the trial, but he’s got gray at his temples now.”

The taller man outright laughs at that. “It’s the kids’ faults, you know. They’re tiny little terrors. Super cute terrors, sure, who probably love their uncles way too much and believe everything we tell them, but they’re terrors.”

Erwin grins. Nile’s kids are adorable, only two and five years old, and they’re pretty fond of him and Mike on the rare occasions they get to go and visit the Dawk family. They love Levi though – because he’s “their size”.

Levi listens to the two old comrades talk as he quietly sips his tea. No matter how jealous he may feel sometimes, he’s glad Erwin has these friends. They make him more human, even if Erwin has already thrown away his humanity. 

“All right, you old geezers, that’s enough chit-chat. There’s work to do, like dealing with hormonal teenagers,” Levi interrupts, pushing off the table. Mike casts an amused grin at Erwin, who looks less than enthusiastic. 

“You look like you’d rather face the Colossal more than this,” he muses, finishing his cup and quickly going to wash it out and put it away. 

“We’re all gonna face this. I’m sure as hell not gonna miss Erwin explaining ‘the birds and the bees’,” Levi grins, eager for this day with a little reprieve at least from the intensity of their average schedule. 

The kids all look like they’re waiting on death row. They were up most of last night, talking about what the commander might do to punish them. Cleaning duties? Double training time? Or like Sasha, running laps around the barracks until they collapse? They already have to go outside the walls and face titans – what can be a worse punishment than that?

They aren’t called out into the training grounds like they normally would be; instead, they are shocked when Commander Smith and Corporal Levi and Captain Zacharius come to their barracks in person. They all leap up to stand to attention, but are waved down. What they are going to be discussing is a… delicate topic and they should be comfortable. 

Levi can’t wait for this. He leans against a bed post near the Springer kid who looks like he’s about to shit his pants from the Corporal being so near.

Mike and Levi had practically had to drag Erwin down for this. Anyone who caught a glimpse of their Commander’s face would think he’s the one being punished, and not a rowdy group of teenage boys. Even Eren has been called into the barracks with his friends. Two of Levi’s men salute as they enter and remain outside to guard the door – but whether Levi’s ordered them to protect Eren or to make sure Erwin doesn’t try to run is unknown to the Commander.

When the kids stand he waves them down, ordering them to sit. This is probably the worst thing Levi has ever forced him to do in his life. If he could have things his way, right now Erwin would be in his office pretending last night hadn’t happened at all. 

The kids, Mike, and Levi are all staring at him as he stands by one of the empty beds. The blush and horror are kept off his face only by his nearly four decades of practice. For battle-hardened soldiers, the boys all look ashamed at completely terrified. Erwin’s not really sure how to start with this either, so he supposes mentioning last night again is a good start. “I told each of you last night that your punishment would be decided at some point today,” he begins. Erwin decides that letting them know he’s still considering what to do with them might make them squirm and behave a little bit better. “You are all aware of why you are being punished, and each individual’s level of involvement will be considered when assigning them. The protocol is typically to punish the group equally, but I think in this case that would be too unfair. That said, I have decided that there does seem to be two issues here that need to be addressed equally.”

Which to deal with first though?

“Kirschtein, step outside the room with me for a moment.”

The kids all exchange looks of horror, but the boy obeys. Erwin leads him some distance away from Levi’s squad members to give him some privacy, and looks to make sure nobody is listening nearby. “Last night you mentioned that two of your fellow recruits have been keeping you up at night. I neglected to ask which two they were. You do not need to fear retaliation from them, so please be honest in your answer.”

Jean doesn’t want to be the rat, but since he was already singled out of the group, he knows that those he’s about to name will know he was the snitch.  
Reiner and Bertholdt are like older brothers to all of them, but something about them keeps them slightly separated from the group. Maybe because they are older? Jean doesn’t know. One thing is for sure – he doesn’t want to get on Reiner’s bad side. 

He’s caught between a rock and a hard place, but since he can’t disobey a direct order from his Commander, there’s no choice. Jean squares his shoulders and looks Erwin in the eye like a man. 

“Sir, it is Reiner and Bertholdt. They share a bunk every night, and most night they…” he trails off, and his ears turn a bright pink. The boy continues. “Please sir, don’t punish them. We know it’s a sin but… but those crusty old Priests have it wrong! It doesn’t feel right to punish people for love!” he blurts out fiercely, passionately. 

Meanwhile Levi and Mike are left with the rest of the kids in a very tense and high-strung atmosphere. Mike makes some feeble attempts to make them relax, with inquiring about their training progress and such, but they are so nervous it’s hard to get anything out of them. He notices that the Reiner and Bertholdt pair – the one Levi had mentioned to them as his suspects who were together – keep glancing at the door, then each other. He notices the blonde has slipped his hand down, and he bets they’re holding hands. He doesn’t comment.

“I would never punish someone for who they choose to share their bed with,” Erwin assures him. He lifts a hand to clap Jean on the shoulder. “I see nothing wrong with that. My issue is that doing so in a room full of children who know next to nothing about sex is inappropriate. As the eldest, they should know better.”

It looked like Jean may have been about to protest Erwin’s word choice, but he stops him with a small shake of his head. “No, you are children,” he says, and his tone is not unkind. “Most of us were when we started the training. You’ve all been made to pledge yourselves to humanity before you really understand what you’re giving up in the process.”

Jean seems to be considering that. “So they don’t suspect you send Armin out here. If they ask, I had a few more questions concerning your role in things last night.”

Erwin repeats the process with Armin, and then with Carl? Connie? Just to be certain Jean can’t be solely blamed for ratting the pair out. When Erwin returns to the room, he takes a seat next to Mike. He doesn’t mention what he spoke to each boy about, though he can sense the other kids are curious. If he doesn’t mention it, then they don’t need to know about it. Erwin is certain none of them will ask.

Before he begins, Erwin takes a deep breath. It’s risky, showing such a sign of weakness to teenagers – more so to Levi and Mike because they _will_ be teasing him for it later – but Erwin’s nervous. 

“Most of you lost your parents when you were very young,” he prefaces. “I imagine you had not received an in-depth discussion of this from your parents, and that means this duty falls to me.” Though whether he thinks it unfortunate or fortunate is impossible for the kids to tell.

“I understand that you’re teenagers. Your hormones are out of control and you can’t think about the slightest thing without getting hard over it. I’ve been there, and it was terrible.” The looks of horror on their faces are beautiful. Erwin has to stifle a smile. “That said, we do have ground rules in place here, and precisely for that reason. I need to be able to trust you to obey the rules put in place. If I can’t trust you all to obey simple things like that behind the safety of the walls, how can I trust you on the battlefield?”

The kids’ faces fall a little at that, and all of them look down. Good. “Failing to follow an order on the battlefield could lead to your death or the death of someone you care about. Learning to trust and obey my orders needs to start here. Do I make myself clear?”

There’s a guilty chorus of “Yes, sir”s from the recruits, and Erwin is satisfied with that. He’s tempted to try to stand and leave, but Mike shifts his position as though he knows Erwin is preparing to bolt. Thinking better of it, Erwin sighs.

“You’ve been getting all your information about sex from magazines,” he says, deciding to just jump right in and be entertained by the shock directed at him. “I’m sure you have questions.” It’s an invitation. If they ask, then he doesn’t have to do the whole thing.

There’s dead silence around the circle. No one wants to be the first to speak up, and Levi can already tell this is going to be pointless. They aren’t going to be brave enough to ask the questions they want to, not with everyone listening. If someone said something others regarded as dumb, they would get shit for it later. There’s enough bullying in the military without the need for more over something so petty. 

It’s ironic that they can face a titan head-on, but not be able to ask how babies are born. 

Ugh. 

“Commander,” Levi says, not referring to him as he usually does to set a good example for the kids. “Perhaps a different approach to this will be more effective?”

Levi leaves and returns with parchment and pens. One of the recruits gives him their eating bowl, and he tells them to write any questions they have on a piece of paper and to put it in the bowl to be chosen at random. It’s genius.

Once the bowl is full, Levi gives Mike the honour of pulling out the first question. 

Mike sighs at what he reads. Or just sees. It’s a drawing of a penis. 

He shows the room, and there are snickers and giggles from the group. Levi suppresses rolling his eyes. 

“Before you try to re-create something, kids, word of advice: actually have something _decent_ to draw a reference from,” Mike says bitingly, and that cuts them off, except for Reiner who lets out a bark of laughter. Bertholdt looks embarrassed. 

They will have to be spoken to in private. 

At least the next one Mike pulls out is an actual legitimate question. 

He reads it aloud. “Why is there always a wet patch in my bed when I wake up each morning?”

Mike looks to Erwin. Levi suppresses his smirk, crossing his arms and looks very seriously at Erwin. Oh, this will be good.

If ever Erwin has seriously considered committing a double homicide, now is that moment. Right now his eyes are boring into Levi and Mike and promising pain untold for their utter betrayal and their enjoyment of his humiliation. Erwin’s got several ideas, all of which he knows he can easily get away with and frame Mike and Levi for them. It’s an open secret that there’s a prank war going on amongst the Squad Leaders. No one actually knows that Erwin knows – and that he’s quite successfully gotten every single one of them more than once. They’ll pay for this, oh yes, but not in whatever way they might expect.

Reminding himself that this is perfectly natural and nothing to be ashamed about, Erwin forces himself to answer the question. His face and tone are serious, but completely non-judgmental. These kids don’t need to reach adulthood thinking that their bodies are anything of which they should be ashamed. They’re at war with mankind’s ultimate external enemy, and none of them have to police these kids’ bodies. Erwin keeps his answer succinct, straightforward, and as clear as he can. His body shows utterly no sign of the embarrassment he feels. Mike and Levi will most likely read it as Erwin closing himself off to them, and in a way he is. They can consider this part of their punishment then. 

Most of the kids seem confused, so Erwin waits, watching them try to work it through in their minds. There’s a quiet “Oh _hell_ ” from Arlert, and his eyes go wide. Eren and Connie seem equally horrified. Satisfied they all understand, Erwin looks over to Mike and gives him a small nod. It’s a silent order to read the next question.

They go through a few standard questions. ‘How do you get pregnant?’ ‘Can a man get pregnant?’ ‘Is it normal to jerk off?’ One question even asks, ‘Is it okay if I practice kissing in the mirror?’ That was a fun one to try and answer. 

One is a bit disturbing, and there honestly is no way to respond to the statement: ‘I don’t want to die not knowing what love feels like’. 

Mike stares at the words, as Levi shifts and his eyes slide down. The kids, who are quite relaxed with each other now, stiffen, and now a grim air settles between them all. 

“Next question, Mike,” Levi says softly, speaking for Erwin, and Mike nods and moves on. This one’s a bit more relevant to them. 

‘Will go to Hell for loving a man?’

It’s not much of a question as to who asked this. Levi catches Reiner glance quickly at Bertholdt, then away, to the floor. Bertholdt stares at the wall. The other kids didn’t seem to notice this, but Levi knows Mike and Erwin did. 

Levi never had such irrational fears. He knew there was no God, or if there had been, humanity had killed him and now they paid the price in this Hell. If there is a God why did they do this to humanity, their Creation? No. There’s no God. Not anymore. 

They live in a society where the only hope people have is their God. Any kind of hope is necessary, no matter where it comes from. 

Levi wants to answer this one. 

“If God didn’t want you to love someone, then he wouldn’t have granted you such a feeling at all. Is it then a sin, for a brother to love a brother? A father to love a son? Where is the line drawn? I say you determine where it is, and damn those who say otherwise. Our lives are too short to be fearing living in the now, and fearing what waits at the end of the day. What Hell can be worse than what we face now? I say bring it on. I enjoy a challenge.” The kids are looking at their Corporal in awe for so outwardly blaspheming. They all know by now that Levi comes from a background where he never knew a God or tenderness or peace, but was thrust into the cruel, menacing world head first. He has also subtly revealed his personal sexuality to them. 

There are blushes, and muttering.

The kids’ reaction to Levi is absolutely entertaining to Erwin and his eyes are wicked when he looks at Levi. It seems like someone is going to be the subject of quite a few wet dreams tonight if the outstanding shade of red on Eren’s, Jean’s, and Armin’s faces are anything to go by. The urge to chuckle is barely kept in check, and only because Levi doesn’t want to get smacked in front of the new recruits. 

“To be honest, I’d rather you weren’t sleeping with girls just yet anyway. You’re all too young to be raising any children besides yourselves,” he says, stepping in. It’s the closest Erwin can come to outright condoning the act. “But if you are going to experiment with each other, you’re not to do it in here where your comrades sleep. I know the beds are convenient, but you don’t want to know what Corporal Levi will do to you if you leave a cum stain behind.”

The disgusted faces are going to have him laughing to himself for days. Armin’s face in particular is an amazing combination of disgust, amusement, and awe. Erwin suspects he’s surprised that his Commander can say such a thing with a straight face, but Erwin’s a forty year old man who’s faced down more enemies in the last five years than this kid has even seen in his life. Erwin’s also got a good twenty-five years of sexual experience on these kids, and he’s seen and done a hell of a lot.

“Be normal teenagers and find quiet corners, and don’t let anybody catch you because I really do not want to have this conversation with any of you one-on-one.” The two that have paired off though… they’re old enough for their own room. Erwin can arrange that easily enough, and he’ll do so today.

“Mike, are there any other questions left?” Erwin asks.

Damn right Levi doesn’t want any cum stains in their beds. He actually will castrate them if he discovers any, especially on their uniforms. He thinks Erwin has actually dealt with all this very eloquently. The kids seem satisfied with what they’ve learnt, and Levi hopes at least now any falsehoods they believed have been eradicated. He never really wants to be put into this situation again. 

Mike looks in the bowl and brings out one last one. He reads it, and his mouth hangs open, and he actually lets out a bark of laughter. He doesn’t read this one out, but merely passes it to Levi to read. It’s the stupidest thing, and he’s being ridiculous, but reading it actually makes a prickle of jealousy and possessiveness creep up his spine and flash in his eyes that hardened. It says: ‘I think the Commander is really hot, and think about him a lot’. 

God, who the fuck wrote that? Levi sees the neat handwriting. Armin? No, the kid is way too innocent for that. Bertholdt? No, he’s with that Reiner kid. Dammit, why does he even care?! Lots of people admire Erwin, for many different reasons. They just aren’t dumb enough to express that in front of Levi. 

Mike holds it out to Erwin to see, a grin on his face still, but then crumples it up when he’s seen it. “No more questions, sir.”

Oh _god_. Which one of the little shits wrote that? Erwin’s eyes widen at that, and he holds out his hand to take it from Mike. When he gets back to his office he is burning it, destroying the evidence. “Wow,” he says, not quite managing to keep the incredulousness out of his tone. The kids are exchanging puzzled looks, and Erwin makes a point of ignoring them all. There’s no way he’s saying what was on that paper, especially now that they know it got to him a little. Erwin glances at Levi, seems a hint of jealousy on his face, and has to resist the desire to roll his eyes. Like hell he’d ever be interested in one of these kids. Erwin’s old enough to have been their father.

He recovers himself smoothly as the paper is tucked into the pocket of his trousers. “I’ll be having you brought up to my office later to assign your punishments. For now you’re to go about your usual chores and training. Squad Leader Ness has already been informed of your tardiness, though not the true reason for it. Yet.”

Erwin lets the threat hang in the air between them. If culprit of that last one opens his mouth to the others and word gets out what’s written on the parchment he’s going to burn within the next ten minutes, he’ll tell their Squad Leader, and Ness will definitely try to offer them all sorts of embarrassing but well-intentioned advice. It’s important for the kids to learn that their Commander isn’t above blackmail if they step out of line. 

Only when he’s certain all the kids have caught his meaning (and he has to wait for Armin to whisper it to Connie) does Erwin stand. The kids all stand as well, and Erwin bids them a good day as he leaves the barracks. What he wants to do is going back to bed and drink a fifth of scotch. What he has to do is finish his outline of their tactics and objectives on this mission. “I hate you both right now,” he mutters to them as they walk away from the teenagers.

Levi and Mike exchange looks. 

“I actually think it went rather well. I kept a straight face for the whole ordeal,” Mike says but it’s hardly in an encouraging way as what he says is laced with mockery. “Say, maybe you should give ‘the talk’ to Nile’s kids? Bet he’d appreciate it,” the man jests and Levi actually grins. 

When they get back to the barracks, Mike breaks away, waving them goodbye to now attend to some real duties. Levi follows in step behind Erwin to his office, shutting the door and leaning against it, folding his arms across his chest. “You did well, Erwin… better than I expected, as usual. I’m almost disappointed about that. It seems nothing can ruffle your feathers.” He knows Erwin right now is in no mood to have Levi niggling at him, and he probably wants nothing more than a quiet moment and a stiff scotch in hand.

Levi does want to make sure one thing is absolutely clear. 

He stalks up to him, where Erwin stands by his desk, and turns him around. The bolo tie is grabbed as Levi yanks Erwin down to meet his lips. His bottom lip is bitten hard and Levi sucks until he can taste the metallic tang of blood in his mouth. He knows it will hurt, and he knows it’s going to leave a mark. Good. He snatches that damn offensive note from his jacket pocket as he has seen him put it in there, pulling from his mouth to speak. 

“I want all those brats to see exactly who you belong to,” is his explanation for his sudden rather sadistic actions, crumpling the paper up, and flicking his tongue over his bleeding and swollen lip, almost in apology, but not quite that as really he’s not sorry at all. He wants to mark Erwin like a dog does to his territory. _Mine_ , he thinks.

Mike is completely ignored, save that Erwin waves him off. He’s in a bit of a bad mood now and suspects that it will linger for the rest of the day. Levi seems intent on following Erwin all the way to his office for some reason, and if he so much as mocks him about this, Levi can sleep in his own damn quarters for the next week. 

Erwin is just about to sit down when Levi speaks. He pauses, just about to turn and reply when Levi stalks up to him. Something about the way he moves makes Erwin fall silent. He’s tugged down, kissed and then marked very, very obviously. There’s no way Erwin’s ever going to confess to anybody besides Mike how it happened, surely Levi knows that.

It takes a moment, but Erwin realizes that Levi is jealous. Levi is incredibly jealous – and of the kids too. This time Erwin doesn’t bother to resist the urge to roll his eyes. “You’re jealous of some teenager with no relevant sexual experience, nothing to offer me physically, romantically, or emotionally, who’s young enough to be my own son?” he asks. It’s nice that Levi does get jealous. Erwin feels loved and wanted, but getting jealous and leaving an obvious mark on him over a goddamn teenager is kind of weird. Does Levi seriously think he’d do something with one of those kids?

Levi knows Erwin is his, and wholly his, heart and soul. He knows he’s a grown ass man and can make his own decisions too, but Levi can’t help it. Erwin is lusted after by many. At any social gathering, men and women flock to the handsome and powerful Commander, just to be in his very charming presence while Levi stands in some far corner, eyes boring into him, silently seething. If he was a cat his ears would be back, hackles raised, and tail flicking savagely from side to side in irritation. 

This is also his own personal problem. Levi knows he isn’t handsome in the way Erwin is and he knows he’s in no way beautiful. On first glance, people think he’s a child. Levi is also extremely conscious of the fact that Erwin can literally have anyone he wants – and Levi knows that people have offered themselves that are far more wealthy, beautiful and influential than him. 

Levi is terrified of the idea that he isn’t good enough for Erwin, and that one day Erwin will wake up and not desire him anymore. 

Levi swallows, meeting his gaze, his eyes hooded. “I don’t know. You might opt for a younger model. One that is more flexible and can be bent in ways I can’t anymore.” he murmurs, tracing his sharp jawline with his fingertip. “I know you like the feeling of a boy squirming on your cock,” he whispers hotly in his ear. “And if you don’t, prove it.”

So Levi had been jealous. Sometimes Levi needs just as much reassurance as anybody else does. Even though they’ve taken Mike to their bed, Erwin’s heart belongs only to one person – at least in the romantic sense. Levi’s feelings can be easily protected here, and Erwin knows just how to do it. Erwin pulls Levi close to him so he can wrap his lover in his arms and press Levi’s ear to his chest.

“Do you hear that?” he murmurs, and is silent for another moment so Levi can listen to his heart. While he waits, his runs his hands through Levi’s hair, toying with the ends of the upper layer. It’s time for him to get his hair trimmed, Erwin thinks. His needs done as well, as the bangs are getting long.

That’s something he’ll take care of later. Erwin lowers his head to kiss the top of Levi’s. “That sound is for you alone. My heart belongs to you, Levi. It beats for you. I know having to share it with what’s left of humanity is hard, but there is no one alive I love more than I love you. I’m not interested in someone younger. I don’t want somebody different. You know that I need you – but more than that, you’re the one I want. I don’t see myself with anybody else. I’ve found the love of my life and I don’t give a damn if you’re starting to lose a bit of flexibility to our old ages.”

Erwin tips Levi’s chin up to look at him. “Besides, it’s not like I have the energy to keep up with somebody who can orgasm in thirty seconds and be ready to go again three minutes later.” He gives Levi a fond smile. “You’re my boy, Levi. You’re more than that, and you know it.” His voice is soft still, his words meant only for his lover to hear. “You’re my beating heart.”  
When Erwin pulls him in close Levi lets go of all his resistance and strength so he can just melt into that broad chest of his. The steady, rhythmic beating of his heart is so soothing to him, and he closes his eyes as Erwin murmurs such wonderful, touching things into his ear. 

“Erwin…” he mumbles, burying his face into his shirt front, clinging to him, wanting him to stop speaking because what he says is slightly overwhelming, but he also never wants him to stop. Never stop, Erwin. 

Levi has never been one for words. He strongly believes actions speak louder. He shows Erwin his deep, unyielding love for him through his undying loyalty and his trust, which no one else has ever before possessed so completely. 

His little poke of fun at his flexibility makes him smile, a breathy, throaty laugh leaving him as he lifts his head, craning his neck slightly to meet those blue orbs he adores. Levi feels himself choke up slightly at his final gentle words, and he can’t help it, he pulls him down and kisses him, but soft this time, no tongue or teeth, just lips on lips. 

“And you are mine…” he breathes back into his mouth, feeling his heart swell with emotion at the look on Erwin’s face. 

Please, if there is someone out there. Please never let him see those bright blue eyes turn dim. Please, God if you can, spare him. Let him take his place in the eternal fires of Hell and send his man to lie in soft beds of roses for eternity. Levi will go through Hell time and time again for this man, for his love. He is his until the end.


End file.
